White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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