Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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