just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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