Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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