In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
