The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
