he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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