I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
