i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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