i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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