My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
God, I missed his penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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