I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sex in a hospital.. check
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
