I molested 6 butterflies tonight
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
