Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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