Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
