Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
