CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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