We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize