i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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