It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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