he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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