Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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