I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
