I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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