3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
