Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
