My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
