They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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