Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
