Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
