You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
