My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
