You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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