She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
