everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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