Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
