Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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