Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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