so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
