There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
