I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
