Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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