just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
