I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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