You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
