i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize