i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
