After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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