I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
