That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week