Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
