i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
