We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
