so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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