I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
