hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
