I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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