you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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