shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
