i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
