Is it normal to miss your booty call?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
