Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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