he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Is Oprah even human
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
