$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
