Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
